Paint My Love

I'm finding my way back to sanity again, though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there. Take a breath and hold on tight, spin around one more time and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace.. I am hanging on every word you say and even if you don't want to speak tonight, That's alright, alright with me. Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing, is where I want to be. .

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

从哪一天起,你踏出了那一步。
但怎么的,你却连快乐也没力气。
看在眼底,心很痛。
是该那么痛苦的吗?

不是简单的选择逃避;
只是,从被俘虏的那天开始决定不去想。
没有了,就连呼吸、活着的每一刻都痛。

这种坚定是你认为的天真/逃避吗?
这种坚定是你有的吗?

不是眼泪不听话。
只是之前受过的伤害重新再在有阴影的伤口上撒盐。

P/s 不要把过去的枷锁扣在下一个人身上。

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Contentment.
As i was taking the LRT home, it dawned on me how nice of a life i am leading now.
On my non-pms days (yes pls take note lest u wanna suffer..), the sky is generally blue and beautiful. =)
I no longer have exams.
I dun need to have my mind boggling over sch wk 16 hrs a day..
I have learnt enough to carry myself as an adult and venture out.
I am relieved.
I have a job.
One that doesnt pay me too low/too high; most importantly my personal time begins after i exit the gate.
I do not bring wk home.
I mean i try not to.
Most of the time i don't need to.
(Yes, gonna say this on 5 feb at NUS career fair..)
I truly love my job despite the ups and downs; the many pai si how pple ard.. but arent i one of them too?
My stand stands if u cant convince me otherwise.
I dunno if boss believe when i express this to him during appraisal (though i caught a glimpse of disbelief and maybe eye rolling..) but well it's not up to him to feel how i feel.

Appraisal came and past.. the 2nd one with him.
Although i detest the extra preparation wks to be done, but nevertheless, the short summing up of the yr with boss was rather pleasant.
Yes criticism i accept and shall look into making myself a better person in the eyes of others and of coz meeting their expectations.
No matter what, he is ur boss.. it doesnt matter if u agree/disagree with him all the time, but fact is he must have done sth right - real right to be ur boss..
So looking up to him is one thing.
Handling ur superiors TACTFULLY is one big challenge too.
Scoring high pm productivity - from 3.4 to 3.5 then 6/7 to 3.98;
(The 0.02 miss to 4 will be back to haunt me.)
I look to my ground staff scoring just like the days before the recession.
I truly believe it can be done.
Receiving recognition at the end of shift very much tells me i have correctly sacrificed my supper/building a brand to having the capability of doing what others perhaps cant/very simply, giving my value to my employer.
Hopefully i have turned from being a company's liability to asset.

I actually digressed so much..
Well, was saying besides from having a rather gd job for someone like me without super huge ambitions..
Time was well spent exploring different parts of cities near home and doing crazy things i have never done before.
Such as water parachuting and water skiing. =)
Every month there will be small pleasant-intended plannings.

Just met up with polizegang again.
The most stunning thing is the boy i have learnt to be always late, was the first to arrive.
OMG.
You know what that means?
Someone who has always been late since we know him.. beat everyone!
I feel everyone has grown bigger (in size!) except xiao di.
Well i hope another ten yrs would not lead us to shaking heads at each other.
The meet up was a slack and nua session.
Which was pretty comfy - snuggling myself onto the sofa and watching my show, stayed in my world while the rest played poker.
I was forced to play later on and was proven really bad at it.. so i gave a showhand and continued to watch my fu gui men.
Hee.. some curse and swear at the escapade but smart move.
I shall win the 10 bucks back at mj next time.

Steamboat after the standard NTUC shopping.
Of coz not to do without my standard sauce.. which was a screw up this time cos the chef was not me.. the boys squeezed in too much lime so the chili tasted rather bland. Hahah..
But we really had fun la.. the same old us messing muzzie's kitchen.. we are really quite efficient still.
Erjie and i also kept disturbing xiao di.
We informed him to save well and in any case we both are left unwanted by 30, he shall yang us.
Muahaha..
I rmb hearing erjie calling out from the kitchen for mel.. and he responded readily 'orh' and went to the kitchen to help.. while he was at his beloved lappie noe..
Not easy..
I wondered if my boy would be so readily awaiting on me lor..
Erjie 傻人有傻福喔。

We then had steamboat with his mum and they muse over how i could be captivated by almost any show that was screening on his tv..
Surprisingly we didnt really chat over what everyone is doing right now..
Everyone just settled in and gel tog so well.

Hence apart from the avoidable mood swings, quarrels and PMS-can't-help-it-days - i shall be contented with life. =)

保持心情漂亮,生活才有意义

Saturday, January 02, 2010

You can be on cloud 9 when you feel totally loved.
Complete bliss..

It can however be the worst double edged sword.
When you get slithered inside out, do not wallow in SELF PITY.

It's most unhonourable; most disgraced apart from being crushed.

p/s NYR - to hate self-sympathy.
pp/s However like most NYR - bound to fall short and come next yr it'll be top of the list again

Actually, I never bothered to have any anyway..