I dread people asking me what do i usually do during my free time.
First reaction: stunned.
Followed by a long thinking through..
Actually.. nothing.
ROT.
Then the person would try to help salvage the awkward silence and my contemplating look on how to answer the question, by suggesting: movies? shopping?
What else?
Basically boring.
Life is like that here.. but nothing to be sad about.
Simple is bliss and treasure endowed health.. then you can enjoy love and life. =)

Life has been a routine.. rest after hectic stressful 12 hrs of wk.. (there are much touching and extremely rewarding moments too) followed by looking forward to your rest days and then the cycle repeats itself again.
I'm not turned off by routines.. i pretty much like being in my comfort zone (which is bad).. routines soothe my soul~
They are routines because they are what i like doing to begin with.

Came to realise.. (a little too late) albeit the usual quote: prevention is better than cure..
Of course the awareness came from my sudden deterioration in face condition.. which ended with me burning more notes than i ought to have.
So.. then i came to derive a checklist of prevention cum excuses to shop necessarily. That is to combat against time!
1) Eyes cream serum.. (to prevent upcoming potential fearful wrinkles - 25! the age to be wary of! - use of anti- aging products)
2) Masks.. i'm gonna store plenty of masks! Say.. purifying ones, hydrating, whitening, anti - aging ones (from SK2) next time.
3) Clothes.. there's always a missing piece in a girl's closet.. this item seems like it has nothing got to do with 'prevention' but think again.. u have to dress nice and look good when you are still capable of doing so. Pamper yourself and leave some good comforting memories when you grow old. ^^
You get the drift.

P/s Will someone play Cannon in D for me and touched me on that day?

I hate fights.

It's worst if i don't see it coming;
It's awful to end the day this way;
It's rotten to be accused and not knowing the reason to it;
It's stupid (and makes me boil even more) to be told 'nothing' when obviously there is sth luring around - it makes me feel extremely patronized;

It just sucks to fight and there comes the sleepless night..

Why can't fights be put to a halt with a nice bear hug to tell you it's ok; it's over etc?
I could think of 1000 ways to end one -
1. That wasn't an issue
2. Sorry, it's my fault i shouldn't have behaved that way..
3. Sorry, i didn't mean to hurt you

But don't just leave me standing like that and attempt to walk away.

I don't like to bury hachets in an anyhow manners too.. that seems too haphazard to solve anything.. and you won't want the same argument to arise again.

I don't opt for huge temper-throwing kinda fights too.

If there is any disagreement you need to voice out, say it out bravely and reasonably. I would listen.

I'm sure most right-minded people would accept it and even apologise to u instead.

I hate being told nothing with an unhappy face because that leaves me all the more puzzled and not knowing how to resolve the whole episode!

Then follow the frightened stage - the uncertainties of your thoughts and your falling vulnerability to those disgusting sticks!

In general, im a rather simple person.. i don't tend to bear grudges (only to people whom i really dislike greatly);
I dislike bringing forward unhappiness/unresolved problems to the next day;
I dislike my loved ones/people whom meant alot to me being upset with me.

I am very manageable.. just be reasonable.
And if you are my loved ones, i hope magnanimous (esp during that week of the mth); always be there for me (not a mailbox voice); be gentle and nice to me.
Most importantly, don't make me repeat issues that i have highlighted plenty of times and let me live in fear and uncertainties.

p/s will anyone love me unconditionally?
pp/s will anyone take away my tears and replace them with only laughters and joy?

Perhaps.. princes in fairytales

Fatique.
I muse over how it can drain one away and the sense of self satisfaction over a somewhat alright (of course excluding some unpleasant occurrences) day/work could infuse suffice energy into the over-exerted withins.
Always believed a strong mental is capable of getting one going very far.
It's the belief.
The ability to do it is up to you to think that you can.. and naturally you will source for ways to achieve it.
Am ashamed i don't have that motivation or strength to think so (as much as i would like to).

Anyway, feels great being back at home ground again.
You will never know how at ease it is to be 'at home' with mates you could count on, till you were being thrown out/stranded. Away from your comfort zone.
You feel so tied up and handicapped.
People do not trust you/respect your decision. Simply because of your lack of background knowledge there.
Self-worthiness plunged to one of its all time low - disintegrated like half-life and hoping one day you can work (*backwards) to its initial value again.
Pathetic.
The every minute/taken for granted knowledge you possessed and tapped into each day is once again put to test in a different environment.
It feels like walking and wanting to run but wobbles with each step taken. Finally you decided - perhaps i should do some warming up before regaining my ability to run.
Hoping your coach and teammates would give you some time before that day comes, but you are no longer given that privilege.
'No excuse' or the shooting of that 'i can't believe you didn't know' kinda accusing looks.
You, simply will not be easily forgiven.
Nevertheless, shall not be too hard on myself. All's good as long as a day's passed happy and worthy.

Was cleaning up my barangs and to my horrors, my lash curler has a pile of my eye lashes stuck on it.
WTH.
I am so.. so.. so.. grief-strickened lor.

Went to DRX again and half way through the treatment, the therapist asked if i was 18.
I was appalled but at the same time flattered.
I didn't know if i should joyfully agree (with some guilt) or correct her (i was supposed to look like 3*, remember? =p)
Decided to try out and told her i'm actually 21.
She was super stunned and bewildered, her eyes were wide opened and was going ga-ga over how she couldnt tell.
Thanks.
A momentary compliment and thereafter of course i wasnt too pleased. Duh.
And.. and she claims i have raging hormones and still in puberty.
PUBERTY???!!!
What's this freaking foreign word??!!
To give a little benefit of the doubt, probably a tiny chance of its remnants/traces of what refuses to subside la.. but me puberty?
I don't reckon so.
That's for adolescent!

p/s Sometimes i wish i could wipe that subtle, inscrutable look off your mask..

Back..

Didnt mean to be away, but had to.
4 yrs of memories intact and kept away.
Taking my steps to embark on a new journey.. back at square 1.. in search of sanity and focus.

Who and where to seek reliablity and dependence?
Is it still possible to give the most transparent side of you to someone else?

"Ni hen dong wo ma?"
Jian jian dan dan de ji ge zi, jing ran..
Ke yi ba wo wen de ya kou wu yan..

Shaken.

A blatant, poigant question made up of seemingly harmless words slashes through me in an instance.

Where do i begin now?

******************************

On a lighter note, life has been mundane and as usual has its ups and downs.. kind of miss academic stuffs like teaching the kids and tapping in some intellectually stimulating resource.
Felt like i have lost my ability to think and digest.
Miss the satisfaction in solving maths.
In anyway, Knowledge (or rather money?) empowers one, isnt it?

No major plans as of yet..
A little scary to think that i'm approaching 24 which interprets to be half of one's precious 20s.
Nil/Lack of/little accomplishment.
Lol.
We'll see how things go.

p/s
It's unnerving - i have no dreams and dare not to dream.
All because.. those that i used to have were silently gone with the winds.

pp/s *Will you hug & sing to me under the moonlight and kiss me in the rain?*