Fatique.
I muse over how it can drain one away and the sense of self satisfaction over a somewhat alright (of course excluding some unpleasant occurrences) day/work could infuse suffice energy into the over-exerted withins.
Always believed a strong mental is capable of getting one going very far.
It's the belief.
The ability to do it is up to you to think that you can.. and naturally you will source for ways to achieve it.
Am ashamed i don't have that motivation or strength to think so (as much as i would like to).
Anyway, feels great being back at home ground again.
You will never know how at ease it is to be 'at home' with mates you could count on, till you were being thrown out/stranded. Away from your comfort zone.
You feel so tied up and handicapped.
People do not trust you/respect your decision. Simply because of your lack of background knowledge there.
Self-worthiness plunged to one of its all time low - disintegrated like half-life and hoping one day you can work (*backwards) to its initial value again.
Pathetic.
The every minute/taken for granted knowledge you possessed and tapped into each day is once again put to test in a different environment.
It feels like walking and wanting to run but wobbles with each step taken. Finally you decided - perhaps i should do some warming up before regaining my ability to run.
Hoping your coach and teammates would give you some time before that day comes, but you are no longer given that privilege.
'No excuse' or the shooting of that 'i can't believe you didn't know' kinda accusing looks.
You, simply will not be easily forgiven.
Nevertheless, shall not be too hard on myself. All's good as long as a day's passed happy and worthy.
Was cleaning up my barangs and to my horrors, my lash curler has a pile of my eye lashes stuck on it.
WTH.
I am so.. so.. so.. grief-strickened lor.
Went to DRX again and half way through the treatment, the therapist asked if i was 18.
I was appalled but at the same time flattered.
I didn't know if i should joyfully agree (with some guilt) or correct her (i was supposed to look like 3*, remember? =p)
Decided to try out and told her i'm actually 21.
She was super stunned and bewildered, her eyes were wide opened and was going ga-ga over how she couldnt tell.
Thanks.
A momentary compliment and thereafter of course i wasnt too pleased. Duh.
And.. and she claims i have raging hormones and still in puberty.
PUBERTY???!!!
What's this freaking foreign word??!!
To give a little benefit of the doubt, probably a tiny chance of its remnants/traces of what refuses to subside la.. but me puberty?
I don't reckon so.
That's for adolescent!
p/s Sometimes i wish i could wipe that subtle, inscrutable look off your mask..
I muse over how it can drain one away and the sense of self satisfaction over a somewhat alright (of course excluding some unpleasant occurrences) day/work could infuse suffice energy into the over-exerted withins.
Always believed a strong mental is capable of getting one going very far.
It's the belief.
The ability to do it is up to you to think that you can.. and naturally you will source for ways to achieve it.
Am ashamed i don't have that motivation or strength to think so (as much as i would like to).
Anyway, feels great being back at home ground again.
You will never know how at ease it is to be 'at home' with mates you could count on, till you were being thrown out/stranded. Away from your comfort zone.
You feel so tied up and handicapped.
People do not trust you/respect your decision. Simply because of your lack of background knowledge there.
Self-worthiness plunged to one of its all time low - disintegrated like half-life and hoping one day you can work (*backwards) to its initial value again.
Pathetic.
The every minute/taken for granted knowledge you possessed and tapped into each day is once again put to test in a different environment.
It feels like walking and wanting to run but wobbles with each step taken. Finally you decided - perhaps i should do some warming up before regaining my ability to run.
Hoping your coach and teammates would give you some time before that day comes, but you are no longer given that privilege.
'No excuse' or the shooting of that 'i can't believe you didn't know' kinda accusing looks.
You, simply will not be easily forgiven.
Nevertheless, shall not be too hard on myself. All's good as long as a day's passed happy and worthy.
Was cleaning up my barangs and to my horrors, my lash curler has a pile of my eye lashes stuck on it.
WTH.
I am so.. so.. so.. grief-strickened lor.
Went to DRX again and half way through the treatment, the therapist asked if i was 18.
I was appalled but at the same time flattered.
I didn't know if i should joyfully agree (with some guilt) or correct her (i was supposed to look like 3*, remember? =p)
Decided to try out and told her i'm actually 21.
She was super stunned and bewildered, her eyes were wide opened and was going ga-ga over how she couldnt tell.
Thanks.
A momentary compliment and thereafter of course i wasnt too pleased. Duh.
And.. and she claims i have raging hormones and still in puberty.
PUBERTY???!!!
What's this freaking foreign word??!!
To give a little benefit of the doubt, probably a tiny chance of its remnants/traces of what refuses to subside la.. but me puberty?
I don't reckon so.
That's for adolescent!
p/s Sometimes i wish i could wipe that subtle, inscrutable look off your mask..
posted by *sze~ @ 11:31 PM
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